pointless, maybe, but definitely entertaining.

Yesterday, it was Hiko's turn to be off.  I guess they like to keep me on my feet, or something (PROTIP, babies,  YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THAT.  I'LL LOVE YOU ANYWAY).  But, he was splayed out on the ground, and honestly for a moment I thought he was dead. 

Luckily, nope, not the case.  His ataxia is getting worse, though, and from playing and fighting over food, they had messed the sheet up, so it was bunched and there was a lot of flexi tile showing.  Now, the flexi tile isn't what I'd call slippery, but for a fella who sometimes can't even stand without going arse over head, it's probably very tricky.

So I got him up, fed him some baby food (and while he was eating, there he went, rear end trying to climb right over his head) and helped support him while he ate, and then got him on the carpeted hallway so I could clean the room and straighten out the sheet again.

The thing with Hiko is, I've had him tested for every disease I could think of, and insulinoma was one that was tested for REPEATEDLY, because ever since I've gotten him (waaaaaaaay back in 2010, hahaha) he's had these wonky episodes, where his motor control just goes phhhhhhhhbt.  So far, he doesn't show anything but adrenal disease, and that at a very early stage.  So, I'm thinking that maybe this is purely neurological, or the result of physical trauma (I know he was initially rescued by a NC chinchilla rescue, housed with other ferrets that did not like him; was adopted by a couple where: he escaped the bathroom where he was housed and got into house venting; he was attacked by a dog, and "given" to a two year old as a pet, and the two year old, of course, did not handle him properly, which was the reason he was being rehomed when I got him) that's just amping up now that he's getting older.

As it's gotten worse, I've had the inevitable thoughts.  Thoughts about helping him cross the bridge, because I am stumped.  I've done the testing, and now I can't afford to continue it, if there's something there (cancer, etc) to find (and with ferrets that's a hard thing, getting a concrete diagnosis, believe you me).  So, yes, I've thought about it, and I realized that if he lives most of his days with a dull, distant look to him that the kindest thing will be to schedule that final appointment, and I will.  I was almost convinced last night, but (as they so far do) the moment passed, and he was busy tootling around (not at all gracefully, but happily) before he curled up to sleep.  That gave me enough incentive to stop crying, suck it up, and realize he DOESN'T want to go, yet.

So, I do what I can: feed him every couple of hours (in case it IS insulinoma and we can't see the tumors OR register it on the glucose meter), make damn sure he has textured flooring, keep his nails trimmed religiously, and keep an eye out for episodes.  Next time, when it happens, I think I will actually vid it, so I have physical proof of it, AND I won't have to rely on my memory to describe the incident, either.

So, that's Hiko news.

In OTHER news, Yogi attacked Hiko yesterday.  Yep, yesterday, when he was all wobbly.  I should have realized that feeding Hiko baby food in their room, while Yogi and Sian are out in the hallway, is not a good idea.  Yogi loves baby food as much as Hiko.  He would not leave Hiko alone (especially as Hiko, because of the aforementioned wobbliness, had stepped in the food as well):

 

 

 

See that?  When Yogi starts following Hiko around like that, and smelling his neck?  Not Good things are about to happen.  It's not really about maliciousness, more about Yogi getting frustrated and taking it out on the lowest on the totem pole.  I kept calling him off, but I turned around for a second to reach for something, and next thing you know Yogi was roughing Hiko up.  Got them separated, got Hiko calmed down, and took him with me to get more baby food so they could share a jar.  It worked, and then after that Yogi calmed down and they were friends again.  It wasn't like I wasn't going to give Yogi some, I was just going to wait until the room was done and they were back up to give it.  Apparently, that is not good enough. 

 

Lesson learned.

 

Also, in utterly adorable news, I gots me some lap time with all three.  Not as a group, but Hiko got in my lap and laid down for a bit (which is not unusual, he does love doing that).  Then he left to curl up in some empty trash bags they had scattered around the floor (don't knock it 'til you try it, apparently).  Then Yogi actually crawls into my lap, and curls up after some cute face cleaning.  I mean, seriously, they look like little beavers or something when they drag their paws down their face and all.  IT IS TOO CUTE, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THAT KIND OF ABUSE. 

 

So, he's curled up, and I'm just about dying, because it's been a long time since he's done that.  

Meanwhile, Sian is running around like >:| >:| >:| because she can't believe she's not in my lap, even though she didn't want to be in my lap.  I think she believes she should have free access to cuddling, therefore NO ONE ELSE should take "her" space, just in the off chance she wants it.  As a result, she starts digging at my back and nipping me.  All that tantruming stuff she still has not grown out of.  Eventually, she curls up on top of Yogi (who slings his front leg over her, OMG BAYBEES, HOW SO ADORBS?) and naps, too.

Ugh, cuddle time FTW!  \o/  I've definitely missed it.  All three of them actually even cuddled together (before the laptime) braced against my leg.  That's right - Yogi, Sian and Hiko actually group snuggled.  WHAT.

In food news, they had mice the night before last:

Hiko heartily approved :)  Today, they had eggs and crushed eggshell (that pic is actually the header now, obvs), and will finish the night with pork heart.  YUMMERS :)



(you know, if there are people actually reading this, I am impressed.  This blog is not known for its coherence, or, you know, its relevance to anybody but me.  What it is known for is random badly taken pictures, CAPS, commas, parentheses, and poorly described stories.  So, yeah.  Here are my apologies.  Your eyes will stop bleeding in 6-12 hours after reading, ahahahaha. :/ )

quick post

Had to take my nieces to see the ferrets (and help clean cages!) because they hadn't been able to for the past two nights.  Had my 5 year old niece actually YELL at me about it today, so yep.

My middle niece I caught hitting Anya during playtime, so she got a very stern talking to, and we had to go over the correct and incorrect ways of playing.  She hates getting into trouble (and I think she just got caught up in the moment), so here's hoping we don't have a repeat :D  Anya was very good about it, though, luckily.  &heart;

I also ordered mice and rat pups from American Rodent!  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. Still getting closer and closer to employment - actually sent in an application for PetCo, both full and part time positions.  HIRE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

And that's about it.  Not too shabby lately.

PICSPAM: mayhem? why no, it's just a regular friday night

My nieces have been staying with us for the summer.  Every time we start cleaning they always say, "oh, we want to help"  so we generally give them little chores.  Well, yesterday, I started babbling about having to clean ferret rooms that evening, so of course, they all chorused "we want to helllllllpppppppppppppp."  Since I usually do it after they go to bed, I had to get on the ball and do it earlier if they were going to be my "helpers" (the decision to let them help on the this one, was aided and abetted by three sad little faces that moped at me when I casually explained how late I actually clean rooms, hahaha.  Guilt, I has it).

This was, keep in mind, the first time that the ferrets had ever really interacted with the girls for long periods of time.  Yogi and Sian (along with Pixie, before she passed) were introduced off and on to the girls (glancing pets and "hi's!"  Anya only really saw them once, when I first got her, and Rula was the same, really, except for when I carried her upstairs and the girls got to say hello for a few seconds). 

I explained how they move, play, and interact.  That animals have paws, and claws, and teeth.  Nips can happen, scratches can happen, and if you step, squash or kick at Hiko it could make him die, and painfully (my words, because less than the graphic best will get about ZERO responses from them, and he has a really enlarged spleen.  I was taking no chances).  All that done, I brought out the big guys (feeding Hiko, so he wasn't nippy from hunger):

My precious ferrets were on their best behavior, which was awesome, seeing as how I love love love my nieces, but for children raised around a CRAP TON of animals since birth, they can be so very weird around them (though yesterday night was great, tonight they were showing a little of that oddness I've come to know so well).

They got to handle and watch the ferrets roam and play, and then we got down to the business that brought us there.  Cleaning cages:

 

 

And then me, breezing on through while I have my nieces do all the dirty work for me (in all my messy, messy glory.  I have just decided not to g.a.f., hahahaha):

We got the big guys' room done.  And on to Rula and Anya.  Followed the same vein, meet ferrets, play, clean, and then CHILL:

 God, I am just the most gorgeous creature alive.  How does the internet not implode with all this hotness floating around?  I don't even.  But to actually clarify, I'm holding the ramp up, so Reese can vacuum behind it.  She was apparently weirded out by actually moving the hose around.  My precious girl.  Yep.

 

 

And then Rula was taken care of, and she had to go up with her food (her and the big guys got duck necks and gizzards last night and boneless chicken thighs tonight, fyi), and Anya had to come out and get to meet my nieces, and get taken care of:

And then we got her refilled on food, and no, I didn't even do THAT, miss Hailey did:

After, it was time to sit a spell:

The verdict after two days of helping their Iya take care of her ferrets?  Hailey loves to clean, Emma is apparently our very own future ferret whisperer, and wants to have ferrets of her own some day (smush Hailey and Emma together and you get one darn good ferrent, I must say):

... and Reese likes to take pictures (almost all the pics here are hers :D ).

As for me, well.  The rooms got done, though tonight took about .... four hours longer than normal, but hey, it's all good, if they get to know and appreciate my guys, as well as the value of taking care of another living being that depends on you.  Life lessons, and all that, amirite?

Why?

Don't I look happy as a clam?

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(j/k, they were long, but they were good nights ;D )

another post from the queen of miscellany

So, just some random pictures of the big guys (Yogi, Sian and Hiko) and Anya from the night before :)

I love it when Sian and Yogi start playing.  It always sounds so vicious - a lot of whimpering and yelping, but they absolutely dive into it.  Watching Sian beat the ever loving snot out of Yogi is always fascinating too - because she is so much smaller, and Yogi can wrap himself around her pretty good.  In fact, most of their tussling starts out with Yogi looking like the winner from the out-set, but you take your eyes off of them for a minute and then turn back?  Sian has him by the ear, neck or somewhere else and is dragging him all over the floor and back. 

It surprises me every time, until I remember the two as kits.  Yogi was over four pounds when I brought Sian home as the tiniest kit I've ever seen, and they were roughhousing the first day.  So she's learned to hold her own.  Very quickly.

Other than that, cleaned ferret rooms and fed them (boneless chicken thighs dusted with eggshell powder, and an added jar of baby food, for mister Hiko).

So, yep.  Still doing well <3 p="">

tl;dr life is hard

I think the easiest thing would be to come into this blog like I haven't been gone for about four months or so o_O


I just got done cleaning ferret rooms, feeding ferts (duck necks and cubed boston butt, lucky guys), and playing.

No surprise, things have been rough.  Being jobless for over a year (sloooooooowly getting closer to employment.  Actually heard back from a company today!  Possible part-time employment! WOO!), losing Ben, adopting two rescue pibbles, losing Neera, losing Bronx, having Hiko slowly go downhill, sick Dad (needing surgery), sick sister (has an upcoming surgery), other family drama ...

Well.  It's been kind of tough.  But lately I've gotten my act together, and I have happy ferrets (though not completely healthy, hahaha.  My poor mister Hiko

)

 

 

... and a pretty intensive cleaning schedule.  Because I've ranted about this before, right?  How ferrets aren't really the "clean" creatures some tout them to be.  Or maybe it's just mine.  Maybe mine are defective (you know, in the best possible way.  Totally).

 

I'm going to try to post more regularly again, because I actually enjoy writing here.  I love talking about my guys.  And maybe, if I'm honest, that's why I haven't posted in so long this time - I kinda let everything going on really, really get to me.  My poor babies felt the brunt of it, and I was extremely ashamed of it.

 

Things are still rough, but I woke up awhile ago.  After all, does it make anything better to make even more beings miserable just because you are?

 

Nope.  And I've apologized to my guys over and over.  The boys and Anya are totally back to little beboppers.  Rula and Sian are still upset with me.  Which, understandable - they bonded very deeply with me, and they've only been seeing my shadow, basically, for this long while.  It'll take time to get their trust back, but I will :)  I won't ever be *that* kind of ferrent again.

 

.... and that's about it, for now.

 

 





and the world just keeps spinning

You learn new things every day. I was really taken aback the other day (the day I posted the aquarium pics) when I was hit by this horrible wave of ... guilt, I guess it was. I realized, looking back through the pictures, that me and the guys had done something - had fun, I laughed and chased them around to make sure they didn't do anything TOO bad with the aquarium + environs and they dooked out - and were really enjoying ourselves. Without Pixie. It was the first time since she passed. And for the longest minutes of my life I felt horrible about it. Like it was wrong to enjoy my babies and what they were doing, like it was wrong to laugh and not have grief weigh us down.

I realize it's stupid. The worst kind. The idea of sharing life and sharing space isn't just about death and grief and loss. It's sharing self with everything you draw toward yourself. It's just so easy to get mired down in the bad things, the hurting things, and I've been having to make a concentrated effort to look for something more. To even remind myself that Yogi and Sian and Hiko are more than just Pixie's business. They are forces unto themselves, personalities and characters that need to be valued for what they bring to our shared reality.

Pixie's still here, I believe, that - and without getting into the whole afterlife debacle - the energy she had directed to guiding them, to loving them and me, is still here. It has to be. But the energy she directed toward Yew, to her first love, that's with him, finally and after all these years. I believe it, and when I can focus solely on that, I remember the best things about our years together, and it's easier. It doesn't always last - the pain is still so sharp. But each time that knowledge stays for longer, the pain for less, and I know one day I'll be able to finally let the grief go.

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However, in an attempt to lighten the mood (this blog surely has become a happiness killer of late, I'll admit, but at least I never promised cheery at the start, aha suckers), I took some NEW PICTURES OF THE BABIES. I'm alternating them in their room and the upstairs office, so they get a change. They've been far too lazy/bored of late. MY GOD, YOU'RE ONLY TEN MONTHS OLD AND ALREADY JADED, BBS. SHAME.







They just. Wow. Such amazing helpers *rollseyes*

Adorable.

(and Rula totally has Precious Moments eyes, eh? Eh?)